My Heart Hurts
by snappleapple518
Summary: Amy, now 23 years old and engaged to Will still has thoughts about her old boyfriend Ty way too often for comfort. R&R please!


_Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland. But my name is Lauren. I also do not own the song "The Older I Get" by Skillet. _

**My Heart Hurts:**

Amy was lying in her bed thinking of her fiancé, Will. Or at least she _should _have been thinking about her fiancé, Will. Instead she was thinking of another – a boy she hadn't seen in a while, but still thought of often.

A barn hand who had been so much more than a barn hand.

He had been her family, her boyfriend, and her best friend.

And somehow she'd let him go. All in a fit of teenage confusion she had let him go without another word. And now she could nothing but curse herself for the decision.

Will was nice, and she wouldn't mind spending the rest of her life with him.

But Ty was a wonderful, soft-spoken, big hearted guy who she would have died to spend the rest of her life with.

So what was she doing with Will?

She didn't know, but it was going to have to stay that way, because Ty obviously wanted nothing to do with her anymore.

She still felt the scars from the last fight they had so many years ago before she'd left, never to return. She kind of wished that the scars had been physical, because emotional scars are so much harder to get rid of. Amy couldn't help but think that maybe the scars ran right down to her soul.

_The walls between  
You and I_

Always pushing us apart nothing left but scars fight after fight

The space between  
Our calm and rage  
started growing shorter , disappearing slowly day after day  


The sad thing was, that when Amy thought about Ty she didn't even get mad. If she had been him she wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with her either.

She was way too dramatic, but she couldn't even let her dramatic behavior out, she just keep it all inside. Ty did the same thing, but he didn't feel things so strongly as she did. And when he did, he let it out for her to see. She couldn't be that transparent.

It scared her to be that transparent.

Amy remembered that for weeks after she'd left Heartland for the second and last time she had just sat in her college dorm room and waited for Ty to come get her.

Because Ty had always come and gotten her. Ty had always been there for her in way that she couldn't help but think that maybe she hadn't been for him.

She'd often wondered if maybe he sat in his room waiting for her too. She didn't believe that she was worth wanting but Ty had always seen something in her that she hadn't seen in herself.

He had really loved her like no one else ever had. Her family had loved her, but Ty had been _in _love with her.

Maybe he had been waiting for her… but she had been too scared to check. Too scared too check on what could have been a beautiful future.

_I was sitting there waiting in my room for you  
You were waiting for me too  
And it makes me wonder_

Amy was already 23 years old. Today was her twenty-third birthday. It'd been so many years since she'd seen Ty. So many years since she'd felt his wonderful hands in his. So many years before she'd felt his warm gaze on her.

But not so many years since she'd stopped missing him.

A few minutes maybe, but it seemed like she couldn't go even a day without missing Ty. It'd been a lot of days that had turned into a lot of years of missing him.

How long would it take?

The older she got she couldn't help but wonder: would she _ever _get over it? No one had ever told her that it would still hurt like this even after all these years.

_The older I get  
Will I get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed_

I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think  
The older I get  
Maybe I'll get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this

It still didn't make any sense to her. She didn't even try to make sense of it anymore.

All she knew was it hurt. And she couldn't help but wonder if maybe it would always hurt. No matter how hard she'd tried, maybe it would always hurt and there was nothing else she could do about it.

This was how she knew she loved him. Most people when they break up with a person think about it for a few weeks or a month, but she'd been thinking about it for years on end, horrible ugly years on end.

And to think that all those years, if she would have taken less and given more, she may have spent the last years being happy and in love. Will was a great friend, and to an extent she did love him. But he was nothing, nothing, nothing like Ty. And she felt nothing anymore when she was around him. Or maybe she did. But compared to what she'd felt with Ty, what she'd felt with Will was what she felt when she saw a fire-extinguisher.

Nothing.

_The time between  
Those cutting words  
Built up our defenses never made no sense it just made me hurt  
Do you believe  
That time heals all wounds  
It started getting better but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you_

What was I waiting for  
I should've taken less and given you more  
I should've weathered the storm  
I need to say so bad  
What were you waiting for  
This could have been the best we ever had

She was still lying on her bed when the phone started to ring. Her heart picked up. Ty? Her heart fell. No Ty. Why would Ty be calling her after all these years?

She picked up the phone

"Hey, sweetheart." Will's voice filled her ears.

"Hey." Amy said half-heartedly. Because it seemed like at this point, only half of her heart was still in her chest.

"Are you okay?" Will asked. If not anything else, Will _did _understand her. That she could say for him.

"My, my heart hurts." She almost gasped as she said the words, "um, I meant my head."

"Oh," he paused, "Did you want me to come over? I can go get you some Tylenol?"

"Um, no, Will. I'll be okay. I'm just going to sleep, anyways. I'll see you tomorrow." She told him.

"Alright, I hope you feel better, honey." He said, sounding unbearably old.

"Yeah… bye." She said, and hung up the phone.

The words rang through her head.

_My heart hurts…_

_My heart hurts…_

_My heart hurts…_

Truer words had never been spoken.

_I'm just getting older  
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to  
I wish it didn't hurt like this  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this_


End file.
